You see now how some people make it to midlife and implode. You think the discipline will add up to something but what if it doesn’t. And what if it adds up to the wrong thing. What if one day you have the house and the boy and the baby and the book and you realize it’s no solace in the face of your own mortality.
It’s just like you to believe that good behavior will always be rewarded. It’s just like you to believe that meaning is something that can be earned. You’re getting old enough to see the holes in your own logic. You poke fingers through. It’s kind of funny in the Kafka sense of the word. via